don't be
by scarlet phlame
Summary: I feel nothing. Why don't I feel something? Why don't I feel anything? This isn't right. It's all wrong. It's all a mistake. Rory/Amy


AN: So I actually wrote this as a monologue for my theatre class... Yep. It's also a fanfiction. Killed two birds with one stone.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Don't cry."

I say the words to him, but I'm talking to myself. Sound hits me in smoky waves. It's my own voice. My own human noise. It sounds foreign, alien. It doesn't belong in the room. Everything feels soft, numb. Cold.

Something pulses against my hand. It's his heartbeat. I can feel it thrum against my skin. It's weak. I don't understand why it's weak. Is it fading? I try to call out for the doctor, but my voice is hoarse and... I... I can't speak.

Ice crystallizes over my skin. Droplets of sweat bead on my forehead. Silence buzzes around my ears, tension crackles through the air. "Don't cry, okay?" He doesn't answer. I can't see him. I can only see Death hovering around him. I hate every second of it. "The Doctor said..."

I gulp. My throat is dry, parched. All I can taste is sand. "The Doctor said that... You have about an hour to live." My tears clear. Somehow he's wiped them away. I can see him. He's calm. I hate how he's calm. Like he has no respect for himself, for what's about to happen.

"How long ago?" he croaks. His voice is muffled.

"We have time." My voice sounds far away. I feel far away. From Rory, from the room, from myself. I feel nothing. Why don't I feel something? Why don't I feel anything? This isn't right. It's all wrong. It's all a mistake.

I look up. Nobody's there. It's just the ceiling. Or is it? Have we been abandoned? I keep waiting for him to hop out of the bed and for everything to change.

And, suddenly, he does. Suddenly he's fine. Suddenly, he's back in my arms again, and I'm okay because he's okay, and we kiss and-

Nothing happens. The machine in the left corner pulsates quietly, reading his heartbeat. It's still fading.

So I wait. I wait for him to get up.

But he doesn't.

Why doesn't he get up?

I try to force myself to talk. It's not that hard. I just have to say three words. Three tiny words. That's all.

Ahead of me, the words shrink. I think of the words "I love you". I think about an unclimbable brick tower. I think about a giant dragon I have to slay. I think about an unsolvable Rubix cube.

I try to tell him.

But I can't.

Why can't I tell him?

What's wrong with me?

I look at the monitor. His pulse is scribbles of green. Why has his life turned into records on a machine? He's more than this. In life, he was incredible. Why must we rely on screens to tell us our status in life?

I squeeze his hand.

"I'm going to die," he begins.

"Don't-" I interject. He stops me. I am cut off. For once, I listen to what he has to say. Why haven't I ever listened to him before? For us to get along, do I need to be this hurt? What's wrong with me?

"I'm going to die," he repeats. "But you won't. And, Amy?"

I grip his hand tighter with my left. My right clenches by itself, knuckles turning white. My face is on fire. "Yeah?"

"Promise me something?"

I nod. I can do that. A promise. Anything he wants, I will do. I'm supposed to. I have to. I wait for him to go on.

He doesn't continue.

Why doesn't he continue?

I shake him. Call out his name. Then I scream it. Then I scream the Doctor's name. And then I can't stop screaming.

The Doctor's trying to calm me down. I won't let him. I owe this to Rory. To care. To try to get him back. I won't listen to authority. I have to listen to Rory. I never have.

I just need more time.

Time?

Why?

I didn't tell him.

Why don't I have any more time?

"Don't," I whimper. His face is white. Pale. Cold. Why is he cold? He shouldn't be cold. What do I do? He is still. He has never been still. "Don't." Is he sleeping? Should I wake him? Do I let him sleep?

I'm out of my head right now. I'm watching the scene from above. I'm detached. I'm not me anymore.

Silence screeches in the room. The Doctor's behind me. Rory's in front of me. Nothing is above or below me. I'm not here, I'm not anywhere.

"Don't... be... dead."


End file.
